How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with needing to tear your spouse’s clothing away on a whim (it might definitely result in a hot relationship), but whether or not there is a deeper romance will ascertain the commitment level. Knowing the difference between love and lust will help you understand romantically involved you envision being with your companion for the long term. And, what’s more, it’ll give you a great idea of how to feel on your own spouse, regarding her or his flaws and how they effect you.

As click for info licensed wellness coach , I work with people on feeling fulfilled with their relationships, regardless of what that actually stands for. In some cases, individuals are only after lust, or rather an intimate (often mainly physical) relationship which is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Think: You can’t keep your hands off each other when together. But , usually there’s less of a connection beyond the physical (you’re kind of dating the human body, instead of the person inside it). Since there’s an attachment and understanding that there, contrarily, a relationship is going to have a more meaning. No matter what you searching for, the two can be satisfying; only the result will fluctuate.

You’ve got Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and also a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you’re finding a deeper level of communication, then there’s probably a love there. “When there is depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that is a good sign that there’s love. You are able to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your relationship, learn about one another’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.

You’re Excited By Them Only Sexually

“Should you find yourself romantically and sexually aroused by these, but have no interest in the mental and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it likely is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified counselor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you don’t like his or her personality in bed, but you still wish to remain with them for a slew of other reasons, it is probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a connection that is deeper than merely sexual appeal, and is mental as well as intellectual, and continues even when you could be struggling to connect intimately with your spouse,” says Bennett.


“Lust is typically compound, primal and strongly physical. It typically entails idealization and fantasy about the individual,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor At Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love tends to be calmer and quieter. It takes more time to develop and feels more like an emotional and psychological bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the first phases of a relationship involve the addiction center of the brain, which can be fed by the hormones that surge through you every time you visit or consider the object of the dreams,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re always searching to get a ‘repair’ of your partner then you are most likely still in the lust stage. If you’re able to go some time with no contact and are not continually considering them then you’ve moved into the love or attachment stage,” Archard describes.

You Feel Grounded About Them

“Love is profound seated feeling. Enjoy is layered. When Love vs Lust love someone you take the whole package. You wish to get to understand them. In general, you will be interested in peeling back those layers.

You are Doing More “Couple” Matters

“By the time enjoy occurs, couples are generally moving in together, purchasing a home, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of children. So they have much more stress happening in their lifetime, which helps to kill (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You’re Focused On Getting Everything You Need

Following is an integral difference: Lust is about getting what you want (maybe some hot sex ?) , while love is more about giving onto a partner and enduring the relationship, explains dating & Author coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Think about it’ll help determine whether you’re feeling lust or love and where your brain is.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“If you feel safe to share your feelings on your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your flaws, it’s likely love. Should you feel you either can not or don’t want to discuss your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, states over email with Bustle.

If my sources discover any of these gaps popping up in your relationship, you’ll certainly get a few signals to understand the difference. That is good, if it’s aligned with what you need. If not, it is time.