How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with needing to tear your spouse’s clothes away on a whim (it can definitely make for a sexy relationship), but whether or not there’s a deeper romance will determine the loyalty level. Knowing the difference between love and lust will help you understand how romantically involved you envision being to get the long run with your companion. And, what is more, it’ll give you a great idea of how they impact you and exactly how to feel seeing her or his weaknesses.

As a certified health coach , I work with people on feeling satisfied with their relationships, regardless of what that actually stands for. In some cases, people are just after lust, or rather an intimate (frequently mainly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Think: You can’t keep your hands off each other when together. But , usually there is less of a link beyond the physical (you are kind of dating the body, instead of the person inside it). Since there’s helpful resources and understanding there, a relationship built on love is going to have a meaning. Regardless of what you searching for, the two could be fulfilling; only the outcome will differ. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between lust and love .

You’ve got Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and also a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, above email with Bustle, if you’re finding a deeper level of communication, there’s probably a love there. “When there is depth to the relationship, beyond just physical attraction, that is a good sign that there is love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your relationship, learn more about one another’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.

You’re Excited By Them Only Sexually

“If you end up romantically and sexually aroused by them, but don’t have any interest in the emotional and other non-sexual aspects of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed advisor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your spouse, or you don’t like her or his style in bed, but you still want to remain together for a ton of other reasons, it’s likely because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a connection that’s deeper than merely sexual attraction, and is emotional as well as intellectual, and continues even when you may be struggling to connect intimately with your partner,” says Bennett.

You’ve Fantasies About Them

“Lust is typically chemical, primal and firmly physical. It usually entails idealization and dream about the individual,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor In Large and licensed psychotherapist, to Bustle. ” Love tends to be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to develop and feels more like an emotional and psychological bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You’re Obsessive

“Lust and the first stages of a relationship involve the addiction center of your brain, which is fed by the hormones that surge through you each time you see or consider the object of the desires,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you are continually searching for a ‘repair’ of the partner then you are most likely still at the lust phase. If you’re able to go a while without contact and aren’t continually thinking about them then you have moved to the attachment or love phase,” Archard explains.

You Believe Grounded About Them

“Love is deep grounded feeling. Love is layered. When you like somebody, the entire package is taken by you. You wish to get to know them. You care about them and look after their health,” states Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. Generally speaking, you will be interested in peeling back these layers.

You are Doing More “Couple” Things

“By the time love occurs, couples are usually moving in with them, buying a house, moving up the career ladder, and believing of children. So they have a lot more stress happening in their life, which helps to eliminate (or even slow down) lust,” describes Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting Everything You Need

Here’s a key difference: Lust is about getting what you want (perhaps some hot sex) , while love is much more concerning giving on a partner and enduring the relationship, explains Brian Taylor, Author & relationship coach, to Bustle. Think about where your mind is and it’s going help determine whether you’re feeling love or lust.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“If you feel safe to talk about your feelings on your relationship, and you feel accepted despite your weaknesses, it is likely love. Should you feel you can not or do not want to share your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, then it’s probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, states above email with Bustle.

If you discover any of these gaps popping up in your relationship, then you’ll definitely get a few signs to comprehend the difference. When it’s aligned with what you need, that’s great. If not, it’s time to re-evaluate.